“Goooooood mooooornnning Lord Sugaaaarrr.”
It is sounding more like a primary school assembly or when the head teacher enters your classroom on The Apprentice with each passing episode.
Last night’s escapades kicked off with the remaining candidates playing games in the living room of their London swank-pad. A knock on the door and Azhar – probably because he’s quite tall and looks one of the oldest – was dispatched to see which grown-up was spoiling their fun.
Of course it was the head teacher himself, Lord Sugar. Not that Azhar announced his arrival when he meekly walked back into the living room.
He did that self-conscious gesture in his little lordship’s vague direction, so familiar of kids suddenly thrust into acting the grown-up. “Now Azhar, say hello and shake Lord Sugar’s hand….go on…go on!”
The rest of the kindergarten merely froze on the spot and smiled vacantly until Lord Sugar suggested they assemble around the table. Once the formalities were out of the way - ”Goooooood mooooornnning Lord Sugaaaarrr” – he outlined this week’s task.
To be honest, I’ve not got much to say about the teams’ efforts to create trendy gourmet street food for the unsuspecting residents and tourists of Edinburgh. It was yet another triumph of luck over judgement – although Jenna’s Scot Pot was a worthy winner as, amazingly, a project manager stuck firmly to the brief and didn’t get penalised in any way.
Jenna’s was a “high risk” strategy, according to his lordship. No it wasn’t, it was exactly the brief you gave the teams.
Adam Syndrome came up with the risky strategy – attempting to provide gourmet food with cheap as chips ingredients…and then trying to sell it at inflated prices to football fans.
There were so many wrong things about Adam’s leadership and his team’s efforts that, frankly, I don’t know where to begin. So I won’t even try.
He can count himself lucky, however, that he chose to take the self-styled blonde assassin Katie into the boardroom with him. She was almost sent packing in episode one, so making her third appearance in front of Lord Sugar saved Adam’s bacon (not the good quality cut of bacon, obviously, rather the cheap fatty bits).
Apparently, Katie can count herself unlucky as she at least tried to come up with ideas and make her presence felt during tasks – unfortunately, all her ideas were crap and her main contribution seemed to be flicking her long blonde hair about and smiling smugly.
The boardroom bickering is akin to playground chit-chat too. Name calling, threats to “tell on” each other for wrong-doings, wild and unsubstantiated boasts – it is enough to make the average primary school kid to declare: “Oh, just grow up will you!” whenever the Apprentice candidates start to kick off.
Generally, Sir didn’t seem impressed with this latest task. And he’s marked the card of a few naughty boys – Adam and Azhar in particular.
But, you boy…yes you, Stephen…wipe that supercilious smile off your face because you’ve got absolutely nothing to be proud of young man.