It hasn’t even started and I’m already sucked in to the latest series of The Apprentice.
I couldn’t help myself and grabbed a sneak preview of the latest gaggle of fawning wannabes who want to sit at Sir Alan Sugar’s right hand for a year.
I wasn’t disappointed by what I found, which is why I’m hooked.
There is potential to surpass some of last year’s unlikely lads and loathsome lasses. Even better, there is likely to be plenty of material for the bearded boss and the blessed Nick and Margaret to really sink their teeth into.
The first episode will be spent trying to spot this year’s Tre “as such” Azam or Katie “Wicked Witch of the South-West” Hopkins.
Picking a possible winner is less appealing this early on, although we’ll get an inkling or two.
But let’s face it, the three winners so far have been something of a disappointment in their blandness – if you can actually remember who they were. It has been the losers who have provided the real entertainment value and proved to be the biggest, errr, well, losers.
So, to whet appetites, here’s a few gems straight from the mouths of the latest crop of candidates and what we can probably expect from them:
Raef Bjayou – “I am a terrific conversationalist and raconteur with stories to tell…” – Loves the sound of his own voice, even if he hasn’t got anything worth saying.
Jenny Celerier – “If you’re sitting on the fence, you’re taking up too much space.” – Queen of the Cliche who was swallowed every modern management textbook known to man or beast but hasn’t got a clue.
Nicholas de Lacy-Brown – “My father fought the hurdles of his working class upbringing to provide me with privileged education and luxury.” – Insufferable snob completely out of touch with reality who will impress Sir Alan with his class credentials but won’t actually offer anything worthwhile.
Sara Dhada – “I’m a true example of pure class and elegance. I don’t try to be glamorous – I’m just naturally like that.” – Will need to work very, very hard to avoid an early exit as she’s already fallen into the trap of style over substance.
Lucinda Ledgerwood – “I push boundaries in both personal and professional senses and enjoy being out of my comfort zone.” – Sensible, pragmatic, a team player and completely out of her depth.
Jennifer Maguire – “I can sell anything. I can sell pieces of paper for £50 and making a living out of it.” – Will probably do well as Sir Alan’s loves an out-and-out salesperson, but possibly too one-dimensional.
Lee McQueen – “If you missed something in the earlier part of your life, you’ll find it again before your time is up.” – Quite prophetic, an early bath awaits as does the motivational speaker circuit.
Lindi Mngaza – “I have Royal blood. My nickname amongst my friends is African Princess as I am a Royal descendant.” – Strong-willed, bloody-minded, highly competitive and probably just a little too immature to progress to the final selection.
Kevin Shaw – “I will take no prisoners in the boardroom and will nail anyone who gets in my way.” – You’re fired!
Simon Smith – “I’m too soft at times – I fall for the little old lady factor.” – Most likely to take on the Simon Ambrose mantle of ineffectual charmer and dark horse for the glittering prize.
Michael Sophocles – “I am single minded and will manipulate others if necessary to get to the prize.”– Could be this year’s goldmine of Tre-isms and antagonism, or will disappoint enormously and fade quickly.
Helene Speight – “I don’t have regrets. I do what I do and deal with the consequences.” – Katie reincarnated, quite possibly a serious contender and capable of upsetting everyone with a single stare.
Ian Stringer – “There are two kinds of people in the world. Winners and… I don’t know how to spell the other word. I can’t say it…” The word you are looking for is ‘loser’.
Shazia Wahab – “I’m a stubborn cow who wants to have the last word.” – A stubborn cow who will always try and have the last word, even when confronted by Sir Alan in the boardroom. A definite maybe.
Alex Wotherspoon – “I expect people to obey clear instructions. If this doesn’t happen I become annoyed.” – Will probably take this year’s Rory ‘I am your boss. I am your boss’ Laing award for the most ineffectual project manager.
Claire Young – “I’m just as happy watching the rugby in the rain as I am sipping champagne.” – Inoffensive, talented, hard-working, lots of fun and energy but probably just too nice to be The Apprentice.
Of course, I will probably proved wrong in my snap judgements. I only hope it will be just as fun finding out as it was 12 months ago.
Good luck everyone!