So this week, after nodding off seven days ago, I recorded the BBC’s uber-dud Bonekickers in order to watch it this morning.

This also meant I could tune into the new series of CSI Miami over on Channel 5.

But I ended up falling asleep during Horatio’s tiresome investigations instead.

I had completely forgotten that I gave up on the last series of CSI Miami about a third of the way through as it had gone from entertainingly silly to just plain old daft and annoying.

I was soon reminded of this fact as the beautiful forensic people of Florida swung into action.

Not even Horatio’s trademark hunchback stoop, creepy smile and endless replacement of his sunglasses (I fear he is a RSI victim in the making) was enough to keep me watching.

I don’t know what happened in this series opener, I don’t care either. I won’t be bothering to waste another hour of my Tuesday night on Horatio’s angst.

CSI Miami has lost any admittedly dubious appeal it might have once held as each new series lumbers onwards and downwards in terms of quality.

The same could be said about Bonekickers.

But whereas CSI Miami has dropped off over the course of several series, Bonekickers failed after just one episode and has drifted aimlessly each week.

That’s quite an achievement and last night’s offering (or this morning’s, in my case) kept up this particular BBC big budget, prime-time drama’s now well-established formula – idiotic plot, appalling script, over-acting, clunky direction and absolutely no redeeming features at all.

Maybe the only solution is for the oily Horatio and odious Magwilde to combine forces – Bonekickers joins forces with CSI Miami to discuss a mystery revolving around late 80s fly-drive package holidays to Florida.

It could work, it is about as plausible as every other Bonekickers offering so far.

Each episode of Bonekickers has thrown up a priceless line that is so awful its…actually, it is just so awful.

Last night we had several candidates, but my favourite was: “We’re standing on the edge of living history”.

Indeed we are. Bonekickers has overtaken Eldorado as the worst Beeb offering in living memory.

Well done to all involved.

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One response »

  1. Nick Scott Donald says:

    I seem to recall a great line from ITV’s much-missed “Boon”:

    “This is as unique as it gets.”

    Quite unique, that.

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