So the task for this week, yeah.

Was to design a new free glossy magazine, yeah.

From scratch, yeah.

And Natasha, yeah. She’s the one who seems to have got her training at the David Brent School of Business Banality, yeah. Her concept for a retro lags mag won (sic), yeah, because it was slightly less crap than Jedi Jim’s plans for a publication aimed at coffin dodgers, yeah.

So that’s what happened in The Apprentice, yeah?

I thought the overuse of the word “literally” was bad enough. But Natasha’s desire to end even the most brief sentence with the word “yeah” literally rivals literally for top spot in the league table of irritants.

Natasha bounced around the episode pulling together her concept for Covered – the lad’s mag with a business-focused twist – and implausibly won.

Then again, one look at Jedi Jim’s patronising effort aimed at the over 60s and frankly an eight year old with a few sheets of paper and box of crayons would have produced a more impressive result.

It isn’t easy to devise a new magazine concept from scratch in a little over 24 hours. But it shouldn’t be as hard as these two teams made it appear to be.

From the title of the magazine – Hip Replacement – through to the pitches to the advertising buyers, Jedi Jim and his team of entranced wannabes were on a hiding to nothing.

Hip Replacement could have worked in an ironic way, as Zoe had originally suggested, if the content had matched the level of irony in the tile. But Jedi Jim clearly doesn’t do irony, so he ended up turning into what one of the people he pitched to described as a spoof that someone like the creators of Viz might put together. It wasn’t that good.

Jedi Jim is very good at appearing to be an inclusive project manager, but when it came to the crunch he railroaded the rest of the team and then attempted to bully them into submission in the boardroom once it became clear his Hip Replacement had failed.

He wasn’t alone in failing. The focus group at a local bowls club had given them plenty of do’s and don’ts, but they ignored virtually every one.

One of the club members also came up with a magazine title that would have worked – Zimmer, matched by the right kind of content, would surely have seen Jedi Jim and his team triumph.

As it was, Natasha (who proved the most laddish of the lot) led her team to an unlikely and undeserved win and Jedi Jim escaped being fired purely because Glenn proved so ineffectual that he simply had to go.

There was a chance of another double firing, but instead the noble Lord decided to advise Jim to cut out the Jedi mind tricks and concentrate on proving himself as a businessman. Hopefully, he’s simply given Jim enough rope and we’ll be spared his questionable charm beyond next week.

There are still no clear favourites in this series and maybe that is why The Apprentice feels like it losing some of its appeal, even the comedy value has been diminished in recent weeks.

What the series needs, yeah.

Is an injection of something truly spectacular, yeah.

Something with the real wow factor, yeah.

Someone willing to seize the moment, yeah.

Someone like Natasha, yeah? Errrr, no.


One response »

  1. Ursula says:

    Yeah, well, Paul; only just caught up with the whole caboodle. What a TASK. Loved it. Really held the tension. Pity that Raef and Vincent (both being so photogenic) weren’t there.

    The ‘Replacement’ being a downer for a mag title if ever there was one. “HIP” would have sufficed: So Sixties. So Rock’n Roll. So Yeah. Who wants to be reminded of the way to the EXIT? Why didn’t they call it “Toupet” to stimulate interest amongst the follicle challenged of a certain age? HIPP, incidentally, a brand name for baby food in German speaking countries (just a thought – of no consequence, unless you don’t just yet need a “replacement” but have lost your teeth too).

    I don’t normally quote Sugar but will make exception in this case: “Tragedy”. Cue the tune. It was hip at the time. Can’t remember the group’s name this minute. Pass me a replacement grey cell. Thanks. Bee Gees ca 1979. You will hate it. As do I.

    Dismal point you make, Paul: There is no one to cheer on (now that Vince has gone). As long as that Suzie doesn’t win I don’t care. Tom of the big eyes may make it. But then, years into the series, I am beginning to get the Lord’s mindset. Maybe you and I could sign up for the next series. I’d be fired so fast you’d not even have a chance to shake my hand.

    Amusing piece you wrote, Paul.. Keep watching. See ya next week. Yeah. Yours. Roger over and out.


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